I need a vacation.
I have absolutely no brain right now, I am burnt out.
Today I accidentally read the directions wrong on the vitamins and took 3 times the amount I was supposed to (defiantly makes you puke).
Then I left the house still wearing my pj bottoms (changed the top but forgot the bottoms).
And finally I accidentally sold a text book on amazon that I am still in the middle of using.
Yep I need a vacation!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
So I was going through my journal tonight and landed upon something, a prayer I had written in April 2 years ago:
The morning sun rises as the days new air enters my house. Another morning, another day to bring new people, new hope, new dreams. I wander aimlessly amongst those to quick to see the life around them. And watch as those stopping to enjoy the beauty get trampled by the masses. Is it the same with our souls, our hearts, our minds? I enter a small gathering of friends, of lovers, of hope. I am accepted, I am ridiculed, I am happy. We drink, we laugh, we talk. We seem happy. Seem…… But deep down these people hold keys to unfounding torments and misery's. To be able to see deep in ones soul and truly know someone, to know their pains, their joys, their sorrows. I long for that connection, for that comfort. For that recognition to know that I am alive and not alone in these things. In the end that is how we live our life, just one long game of self recognition. Person to person contact. Swimming in superficial conversations and friendships. Knowing someone, but never really seeing them. One unending game just to know you are alive. But I am done. I want to not just know it, I want to feel it. I want to see, know, and love people for all their sides. I want to walk with my head held high thru the paths of misery, and fly with a smile through the air filled with love. I want to own every moment of my life, yet allow its random moments and mysteries to flow through like a strong wind from the east. I want to really see. To for once open my eyes and take in all the beauty that is life around me. I want to jump in the ocean and be baptized with its serenity and life. To baptized in knowledge. I am happy, I know this. I'm just afraid I'm not fully aware of what that means, or seeing how beautiful it really is.
These past two years God has tested, pushed, and grown me. These past two years God has answered my prayer. I have been baptized, baptized in Gods love, baptized in life. People, myself included, still hold keys to these pains and misery, but God has opened those doors. This past year I have been able to lock arms with so many wonderful people of God, been able to connect and grow with and share. God is so good. Life will always have its ups and downs, but even in those ups and downs, Gods love holds strong. Thank you Lord for loving me, and allowing me to love. Thank you for placing people in my life who love me, and who I am able to love.
The morning sun rises as the days new air enters my house. Another morning, another day to bring new people, new hope, new dreams. I wander aimlessly amongst those to quick to see the life around them. And watch as those stopping to enjoy the beauty get trampled by the masses. Is it the same with our souls, our hearts, our minds? I enter a small gathering of friends, of lovers, of hope. I am accepted, I am ridiculed, I am happy. We drink, we laugh, we talk. We seem happy. Seem…… But deep down these people hold keys to unfounding torments and misery's. To be able to see deep in ones soul and truly know someone, to know their pains, their joys, their sorrows. I long for that connection, for that comfort. For that recognition to know that I am alive and not alone in these things. In the end that is how we live our life, just one long game of self recognition. Person to person contact. Swimming in superficial conversations and friendships. Knowing someone, but never really seeing them. One unending game just to know you are alive. But I am done. I want to not just know it, I want to feel it. I want to see, know, and love people for all their sides. I want to walk with my head held high thru the paths of misery, and fly with a smile through the air filled with love. I want to own every moment of my life, yet allow its random moments and mysteries to flow through like a strong wind from the east. I want to really see. To for once open my eyes and take in all the beauty that is life around me. I want to jump in the ocean and be baptized with its serenity and life. To baptized in knowledge. I am happy, I know this. I'm just afraid I'm not fully aware of what that means, or seeing how beautiful it really is.
These past two years God has tested, pushed, and grown me. These past two years God has answered my prayer. I have been baptized, baptized in Gods love, baptized in life. People, myself included, still hold keys to these pains and misery, but God has opened those doors. This past year I have been able to lock arms with so many wonderful people of God, been able to connect and grow with and share. God is so good. Life will always have its ups and downs, but even in those ups and downs, Gods love holds strong. Thank you Lord for loving me, and allowing me to love. Thank you for placing people in my life who love me, and who I am able to love.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Spent the weekend in Santa Cruz.
Amazing time.
Stayed with Topher, one of the most genuine people you will ever meet.
Went to Vintage Faith, amazing people, amazing worship, Dan Kimball...Amazing.
Bike road everywhere.
Visited Mount Hermon, Gods presence so thick there.
Swam in the ocean, built a sea otter out of sand.
I have a bed again.
And best of all, I went with Derek. I swear I fall more in love with him everyday.
Amazing trip!!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Its Summer......
Its summer, that means
Lake....All day everyday
Biking
Kayaking
Nates Life Group.... So challenging
Dresses.... Oh how I love them
Only one Job... Yes!
Derek.... I love him
Blogging..... no time
Oh how I love Summer
Lake....All day everyday
Biking
Kayaking
Nates Life Group.... So challenging
Dresses.... Oh how I love them
Only one Job... Yes!
Derek.... I love him
Blogging..... no time
Oh how I love Summer
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
It's been a few days since my last blog. So much to get caught up on.
Narrative theology is over.... Wrecked me in a completely amazing way.
Women's retreat..... awesome. So many new friends a strengthened old ones.
School... well it's school.
New tattoo... its white ink
Work.... so good. I love the preschoolers. So cute, today they were all dancing to Jewish wedding music, don't ask.
Right now..... restless. Its strange I haven't been this restless since I moved back to Redding. Maybe its the weather. All the sun gets my adventurous juices flowing. It makes me want to pack up and move somewhere random. Makes me want to never be indoors. Makes me want to hike in the rain on the full moon.
God is teaching me so much right now, its kind of overwhelming.
Whats going on in your lives?
Narrative theology is over.... Wrecked me in a completely amazing way.
Women's retreat..... awesome. So many new friends a strengthened old ones.
School... well it's school.
New tattoo... its white ink
Work.... so good. I love the preschoolers. So cute, today they were all dancing to Jewish wedding music, don't ask.
Right now..... restless. Its strange I haven't been this restless since I moved back to Redding. Maybe its the weather. All the sun gets my adventurous juices flowing. It makes me want to pack up and move somewhere random. Makes me want to never be indoors. Makes me want to hike in the rain on the full moon.
God is teaching me so much right now, its kind of overwhelming.
Whats going on in your lives?
Friday, March 20, 2009
so beautiful
This weather is amazing! Today is the first day of spring and I am so excited. I don't mind the rain but i much prefer the sun. Bike riding, hiking, swimming, kayaking, sailing, here I come! Yea sun!!!!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Death. It's not something I tend to dwell on. I got a call from my dad today, first call in a few months. His roommate died. He had a massive heart attack, my dad was there, tried to do CPR, but it was to late. His name was Pat, I didn't know him well but he was always so nice.
My dad doesn't know what to do. Pat and his family hadn't spoken in years, he was in his 50's, he had children, he had a story.
Tomorrow is my sisters 32 birthday. My sister who has no hope for life. Who won't let anyone reach out to her. Who doesn't acknowledge my existence unless she wants something.
My dad wants to have a family birthday party. He hasn't called to wish either of us happy birthday in years, and now he wants a family party. And even more he wants us to go to church as a family in the morning. Church? As a family?
I guess death maybe finally scared him. Maybe 21 years later he has decided he wants a family, that he wants a relationship with God.
I should be rejoicing. Part of me is. Part of me is scarred as hell. I forgave years ago. I gave up hoping this would ever happen. I realize it may not still.
I also realize God is bigger then all this. I realize he knows what he is doing, however righht now my brain is on overload, and all I can do is pray.
My dad doesn't know what to do. Pat and his family hadn't spoken in years, he was in his 50's, he had children, he had a story.
Tomorrow is my sisters 32 birthday. My sister who has no hope for life. Who won't let anyone reach out to her. Who doesn't acknowledge my existence unless she wants something.
My dad wants to have a family birthday party. He hasn't called to wish either of us happy birthday in years, and now he wants a family party. And even more he wants us to go to church as a family in the morning. Church? As a family?
I guess death maybe finally scared him. Maybe 21 years later he has decided he wants a family, that he wants a relationship with God.
I should be rejoicing. Part of me is. Part of me is scarred as hell. I forgave years ago. I gave up hoping this would ever happen. I realize it may not still.
I also realize God is bigger then all this. I realize he knows what he is doing, however righht now my brain is on overload, and all I can do is pray.
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