Amelia

I Need A Vacation!!!!

2009-07-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

I need a vacation.

I have absolutely no brain right now, I am burnt out.

Today I accidentally read the directions wrong on the vitamins and took 3 times the amount I was supposed to (defiantly makes you puke).

Then I left the house still wearing my pj bottoms (changed the top but forgot the bottoms).

And finally I accidentally sold a text book on amazon that I am still in the middle of using.

Yep I need a vacation!

2009-07-09T00:09:00.001-07:00

So I was going through my journal tonight and landed upon something, a prayer I had written in April 2 years ago:

The morning sun rises as the days new air enters my house. Another morning, another day to bring new people, new hope, new dreams. I wander aimlessly amongst those to quick to see the life around them. And watch as those stopping to enjoy the beauty get trampled by the masses. Is it the same with our souls, our hearts, our minds? I enter a small gathering of friends, of lovers, of hope. I am accepted, I am ridiculed, I am happy. We drink, we laugh, we talk. We seem happy. Seem…… But deep down these people hold keys to unfounding torments and misery's. To be able to see deep in ones soul and truly know someone, to know their pains, their joys, their sorrows. I long for that connection, for that comfort. For that recognition to know that I am alive and not alone in these things. In the end that is how we live our life, just one long game of self recognition. Person to person contact. Swimming in superficial conversations and friendships. Knowing someone, but never really seeing them. One unending game just to know you are alive. But I am done. I want to not just know it, I want to feel it. I want to see, know, and love people for all their sides. I want to walk with my head held high thru the paths of misery, and fly with a smile through the air filled with love. I want to own every moment of my life, yet allow its random moments and mysteries to flow through like a strong wind from the east. I want to really see. To for once open my eyes and take in all the beauty that is life around me. I want to jump in the ocean and be baptized with its serenity and life. To baptized in knowledge. I am happy, I know this. I'm just afraid I'm not fully aware of what that means, or seeing how beautiful it really is.

These past two years God has tested, pushed, and grown me. These past two years God has answered my prayer. I have been baptized, baptized in Gods love, baptized in life. People, myself included, still hold keys to these pains and misery, but God has opened those doors. This past year I have been able to lock arms with so many wonderful people of God, been able to connect and grow with and share. God is so good. Life will always have its ups and downs, but even in those ups and downs, Gods love holds strong. Thank you Lord for loving me, and allowing me to love. Thank you for placing people in my life who love me, and who I am able to love.

2009-06-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

Spent the weekend in Santa Cruz.

Amazing time.

Stayed with Topher, one of the most genuine people you will ever meet.

Went to Vintage Faith, amazing people, amazing worship, Dan Kimball...Amazing.

Bike road everywhere.

Visited Mount Hermon, Gods presence so thick there.

Swam in the ocean, built a sea otter out of sand.

I have a bed again.

And best of all, I went with Derek. I swear I fall more in love with him everyday.

Amazing trip!!

Its Summer......

2009-05-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

Its summer, that means

Lake....All day everyday

Biking

Kayaking

Nates Life Group.... So challenging

Dresses.... Oh how I love them

Only one Job... Yes!

Derek.... I love him

Blogging..... no time

Oh how I love Summer

2009-04-08T22:50:00.000-07:00

It's been a few days since my last blog. So much to get caught up on.

Narrative theology is over.... Wrecked me in a completely amazing way.

Women's retreat..... awesome. So many new friends a strengthened old ones.

School... well it's school.

New tattoo... its white ink

Work.... so good. I love the preschoolers. So cute, today they were all dancing to Jewish wedding music, don't ask.

Right now..... restless. Its strange I haven't been this restless since I moved back to Redding. Maybe its the weather. All the sun gets my adventurous juices flowing. It makes me want to pack up and move somewhere random. Makes me want to never be indoors. Makes me want to hike in the rain on the full moon.

God is teaching me so much right now, its kind of overwhelming.

Whats going on in your lives?

so beautiful

2009-03-20T11:43:00.001-07:00

This weather is amazing! Today is the first day of spring and I am so excited. I don't mind the rain but i much prefer the sun. Bike riding, hiking, swimming, kayaking, sailing, here I come! Yea sun!!!!

2009-02-21T21:32:00.000-08:00

Death. It's not something I tend to dwell on. I got a call from my dad today, first call in a few months. His roommate died. He had a massive heart attack, my dad was there, tried to do CPR, but it was to late. His name was Pat, I didn't know him well but he was always so nice.

My dad doesn't know what to do. Pat and his family hadn't spoken in years, he was in his 50's, he had children, he had a story.

Tomorrow is my sisters 32 birthday. My sister who has no hope for life. Who won't let anyone reach out to her. Who doesn't acknowledge my existence unless she wants something.

My dad wants to have a family birthday party. He hasn't called to wish either of us happy birthday in years, and now he wants a family party. And even more he wants us to go to church as a family in the morning. Church? As a family?

I guess death maybe finally scared him. Maybe 21 years later he has decided he wants a family, that he wants a relationship with God.

I should be rejoicing. Part of me is. Part of me is scarred as hell. I forgave years ago. I gave up hoping this would ever happen. I realize it may not still.

I also realize God is bigger then all this. I realize he knows what he is doing, however righht now my brain is on overload, and all I can do is pray.

2009-02-14T13:44:00.000-08:00

Today is Valentines Day. I find this such a funny holiday because of all the reactions it brings out in people. There are the people who call it singles awareness day, and the people who say it is a conspiracy between the greeting card and chocolate company, and then there are those who ask why do we need a day to tell someone we love them. Personally I think Valentines Day is wonderful day. Whether your single like me, or you have someone, Valentines day at least gets people thinking about love. It makes people realize the love they have for their partner, their parents, friends, their children, and even for God. Yes it would be nice if we stopped taking things for granted and realized the love we have for people everyday, but there is something oddly comforting about the whole world celebrating love on one day. And to all my friends and family who read this, I love you guys, and appreciate everything you do in my life.

Meet Antoinette

2009-01-29T12:20:00.000-08:00

I have been searching for a new bike for months, ever since my bike in Santa Cruz got stolen, and I have finally found one! Its a 1988 schwin road bike, in amazing condition. I got it for only 35 dollars off of craigs list. I'm so excited to be able to bike to work again. However, I'm learning Redding is not quite as bike friendly as Santa Cruz was. Anyone want to go for a ride?

Humble

2009-01-28T08:22:00.000-08:00

Christ is in us. We are made in his image and filled with his spirit. He shed his blood for us, but even more he left his spirit in us, in his body, in his church. That is a powerful thing. When you really start to grasp that, wow.

The more I start to grasp that, the word humble begins to take on a new meaning. Think about ourselves. We have the christ with in us, and we have flesh. We have a choice built with in us. We have the choice of life (Jesus), or we have the choice of self.

Now think about power. Think about what happens when power ends up in the wrong hands. When it is misused. When it is perverted.

This is why we need to learn to be humble, or more learn to humble ourselves. If we allow our flesh to try and control this power of christ within us, and pervert it into something for our own self gain, it is no longer a beautiful gift, but a greatly perverted treasure.

If we learn to humble ourselves, we allow for the true glory of God to shine. We allow for his glory to spread. We allow for that true relationship God has called us into with him to happen. We allow for things to be the way God intended them to be.

I used to think being humble was about making sure all credit was given to God instead of ourselves, but I am begining to realize it is much more than that. It is about choosing life. It is about giving all control to the one who made us. It is about choosing a relationship with God and realizing that his way is better than any good we can come up with on our own. It is about the realization that Christ is in us, and allowing that Christ to come out, and powerful things to happen.

Father I am so greatful for all you have given me that I do not deserve. Thank you for creating me in your image. Please help me to humble myself, my flesh Lord, and work for the glory of you, not the glory of myself.

So awesome

2009-01-27T10:41:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM

Family

2009-01-27T09:22:00.000-08:00

So this weekend my aunt and uncle from San Diego came up to visit. I have a huge Italian family. Something like over 60 cousins just on my moms side of the family. Anyways so my aunt and uncle, along with most of the family that lives in Redding packed into our little house to feast on bread, wine, and spaghetti made from scratch. There were about 30 of us. It was amazing.

I love times like these where you can just come together and enjoy each others presence. My little cousin Jacob pictured above kept the whole family entertained singing all night long. I am so blessed. The only thing I wish for is that my sister and dad would allow themselves to be part of it, but that is in Gods hands.

umm.....

2009-01-22T19:08:00.000-08:00

This week has been the week of total and complete mind chaos. Sunday Kris's 9 hour long message (not really) kicked my brain in high gear. I couldn't even function properly after. Then Tuesday brought week two of narrative theology. It floored me.

Dan opens up the night with Genesis 1:1. " In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth." Then Dan asks the first question of the night, why? Why? Did he really just ask that? Can you ask that? Are you supposed to? Why don't people ask that?

It seems everyone just reads that verse and goes yes, i know that, continue to verse two. But have you really ever stopped to ponder that? I mean come on why? Was he bored? Lonely? Did it just sound like fun? Crazy discussion followed that, but rather than posting it, I challenge you to ask yourself that, or better battle through that question with someone else. I guarantee you the answers will blow your mind.

Then later in the night Eric throws this statement down, What was God's original purpose? What was his plan for the earth and us before we needed redemption?

As Christians we always seem to get stuck on the redemption part. I mean don't get me wrong that part is amazing and important. But what about before "the fall." What was God's original plan for us before we screwed everything up? And should we really stop persuing that plan? Why do we seem to stop at redemption? I can't wait for next Tuesday, or better yet anyone want to dig through it this week?

2009-01-20T15:43:00.000-08:00

Humanity. Family. Brothers and sisters in Christ. I will not stand for my brothers and sisters being treated as less than human, as cattle. I don't care your race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or economic class, you are made in the image of God, you are beautiful. So many times people blame institutions for the way people are treated, but it is the people working within those institutions that determine whether or not that person gets treated like a human being. It is us who determine if a person gets treated well based on what they drive or wear, or based on the fact that they are child of God. It is our duty as children of God to live this life differently, to treat each other with respect and honor.
I didn't think I lived in a bubble till today. In fact i think I have been to pridefull in my understanding. But God humbled me today. He showed me something I will never forget. There is so much to this life. So much injustice to this world, even in this small town. I have no idea. NO IDEA. It is all Gods, everything. Shouldn't we treat it with a little more care?

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.
Romans 12:9-13

Resolution

2009-01-01T15:34:00.000-08:00

I've always loved new years. The symbolism of the new years meaning a fresh slate, a new start. However, thanks to Jesus we are able to experience this other than just on new years.
So with the new years comes the traditional resolution. I work at a gym and it's so funny to see the number of people attending increase greatly between January and March.
So today I was thinking of my resolution. There are many things I want to do such as be able to run a marathon, spend more time cooking, travel, finish my degree. But then there are the other things like become a better daughter and friend.
While I was thinking about these things, I was also reflecting on the past year. Over and over again the theme of my year seemed to be God has a better plan.
So this year my resolution is not a laundry list of things I want to do, or improve in myself, because no matter what my plans are, God has a better one. So my resolution this year is to listen, follow, and trust my father. No matter what this new year brings, I want it to be God's plan, not mine.

2008-12-28T19:55:00.000-08:00

What a relaxing day. Actually week would be more correct. I don't think I've had this much time off in years. The joy of working for the school district, paid holidays :)
Christmas was amazing. Tons of aunts, uncles, and cousins. There were about 30 of us shoved into a 2 bedroom house. It was amazing. My little cousin Jacob just learned to talk, and spent all 4 hours he was there singing jingle bells. It was hilarious. Christmas also means catching up with old friends. It has been awesome to see what everyones up to, and what God has been doing in their lives.
Last night I went on an epic adventure with some girl friends. We were planning to ambush a friend with water balloons as he ran on the river trail. It ended up being such a fun care free night. I felt like a kid again, and it was amazing.
This morning had church, gymed, and spent time in the scriptures. This whole week has really put everything they talked about during the simple series into perspective. It has been amazing to spend a whole day in Gods presence, and not be thinking about the next thing I have to do when I get home. It has been awesome to have so much time to spend on relationships. I know once I start back at work and school it isn't going to be easy, but I am sure going to try, even if I have to take it one step at a time.

2008-12-07T21:57:00.000-08:00

I am a hypocrite. God totally spoke to me last night. Lately God has had me revisiting the old testament, and really trying to spend time questioning and rethinking things. So last night I was reading the part where moses is coming down from the mountain after a totally amazing intense face to face time with God, and what does he find? He finds the Israelite's worshiping a golden calf they had made from all their gold.

Exodus 32:8 They have turned aside quickly out of the way which I commanded them: they have made them a molten calf, and have worshiped it, and have sacrificed thereunto, and said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which have brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.

I remember the first time I read this passage. I thought to myself you have got to be kidding me. You people just saw the Lord deliver you out of slavery and part the Red Sea and you are worshiping a golden cow! Are you kidding me! But last night it was different. I saw myself among those Israelites. True I do not have a golden cow that I worship, but God started to show me the golden cows in my life.
I have seen this God deliver me out of my own slavery, I have seen him part the seas and calm the storms in my life. Yet when things start to go wrong I don't always turn straight to him like I should. I turn to my calfs, whether they be shopping, or food. Or what about the calfs that are always there, even when things are good. The calfs that I spend face to face time, rather than face to face time with God. The computer, my cell phone....
As I was praying tonight the lyrics consume from the inside out kept popping into my head. This is my prayer Lord. Consume me from the inside out. Help me to continue to see the golden calfs in my life, and help me to destroy them Lord. Thank you for lending your eyes and ears tonight. I am a hypocrite Lord. I don't mean to be. But thats the beauty of you Lord. You love me during the whole journey, not just at the end.

YA!

2008-12-06T13:45:00.000-08:00

I'm excited. Today I start a new journey. For years I have been into sketching and designing my own clothes, and now I'm ready to take the plunge and turn them into actual creations. Why did I wait so long? Well up until now I didn't have a sewing machine, but thanks to a very generous friend who donated their old one, it's time to get going!

2008-12-01T21:22:00.000-08:00

Crazy busy thanksgiving. I laugh as I type this thinking about what Dan said on Sunday. Its true everyones life is "crazy" right now. I'm over it. Spent turkey day in Santa Cruz up at the herm. Tons of fun. Surfing, redwoods, apple cider, random xylophone dance party in the middle of downtown Santa Cruz, crutches, it was amazing. We had a really good group of kids at the camp this year. Almost cried when I had to leave them. I love being up at the herm, serving God, surrounded by his beautiful creation.

Returned home in time for church. Awesome message as usual. I'm really going to try and slow it down for the holidays instead of speed it up. Also I would really like to have a sabbath, I'm going to make that possible in my life. A day fully devoted to worshiping God. No work, no school, just me and the Big guy.

Finals are upon us. Suddenly I feel like I haven't completed anything this semester and its crunch time. Also it's time to register for the spring semester. I feel like I'm never going to be done with school. Thats another society pressure I hate. I hate feeling like I'm behind in life for not finishing college by the time I'm 21 or 22.

Hmm... this post is starting to sound really negative. I don't mean for it to be. I'm actually very happy right now, and very thankful. I can't wait till Thursday. Second thanksgiving with the life group. I'm making mashed potatoes!

An encouraging word

2008-11-25T19:02:00.000-08:00

"We can not do great things, only small things with great love. It is not how much you do but how much love you put into doing it." - Mother Teresa

Today I was blessed to have read this quote, it offered me much needed peace. For myself personally, I often find myself overwhelmed by the hurt of this world. There is so much pain and suffering, and I often feel paralyzed by it. So many times I find myself discouraged because I can't do more, but over and over again God reminds me that its not about how much I do, but the love I put into what I do.

Today God led me to pick up Irresistible Revolution again, and he led me to that quote. I wanted to share this quote to encourage any of you who may feel the same overwhelming feeling I often feel. It is so easy to get caught up in the idea, and never actually put it into motion. Remember you don't always need a big plan. There are people all around you, sometimes even within your house who need love.

As Diertrich Bonhoeffer said, "The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community."

What a past couple of days

2008-11-24T00:14:00.000-08:00

So much to say I don't really know where to begin.

1. Ok I have to talk about it. Saw Twilight thursday, midnight showing. Went with becca and some friends. Had so much fun. Movie wasn't amazing, but what do expect. No one could recreate the magic of the book, though the guy who played Edward gave it a good shot.

2. Marketstreet Manor. Saturday the Cables put on an amazing soup lunch for the people at the manor, and people on the street. So many kids an families were there. My two favorite moments:
- Princess Molly. There was an adorable little girl named Molly who
was joyfully running everywhere, and trying to pour juice in the ice chest. The best part however, was that someone had brought little
princess crowns, and she was wearing one so proudly, running around just eating up all the attention she was getting. I have no doubt she truly felt like a princess that day.

-Playing cards with Richard. I met this awesome guy named Richard. He had just moved to Redding a few months ago, but was currently on the streets. He is having a hard time finding a job because he has tattoos on his face. He was such a nice and intelligent guy, I really felt his pain not being able to find a job because of a decision he made in the past.

3. Sunday night at the stirring. Amazing. The people in this church blow me away. The testimonies people gave about what God is doing in their life were so encouraging and amazing. People are really seeking a face to face relationship with God, and he is seeking us. Everyone was so supportive of each other that night. People were hugging, crying, supporting, and talking to people they had never talked to before. The Stirring is really becoming a family. I am truly starting to see everyone not only in that church, but in this town as my brothers and sisters. The world is so overwhelmingly divided, but I need to remember God is bigger than the world, and its his world to begin with anyways.

Save the Fish!

2008-11-19T18:51:00.000-08:00

So one of they many joys of working with kids is that life with them is many times unpredictable and hilarious, today was one of those days.

So today after playing football and having a dance party for hours with my 8th graders(which was awesome!), I decided to take my kids over to the little kids playground. My kids actually like this a lot. They love playing, running around with, and getting tackled by the little ones.

While, I was sitting on a bench when one of my favorite 2nd graders Danielle, runs to me screaming my fishes, my fishes. I look down, and in her had she is holding one of those plastic bags you get goldfish in, except water is quickly leaking out of the bag. So what do I do? I grab the bag and run like a mad woman across the playground screaming save the fish, and into the nearest classroom where a teacher happens to be holding a parent teacher conference. Seeing no water in her classroom I proceed running as fast as I can into the office where the first thing I spot is my water bottle (the klean canteen kind, where you have a pretty big opening when you take the lid off). So I tear the lid off my water bottle and dump the fishes in. So here I am now covered in water soaking wet, and grab my water bottle full of fishes and return to the playground.

When I arrive at the playground I find all the teachers laughing hysterically at me. But I don't care cause I saved a little girls fishes right? Wrong. I finally look down in my water bottle to take a good look at the fish. Turns out they weren't fish after all, they were flower petals that she was pretending were her fish. Note to self, check that the animals you are saving are really animals before you make a complete fool of yourself.

Step one

2008-11-18T12:28:00.000-08:00

So today I received a challenge. I was at work talking to a colleague about my new vow, when one of the mothers came in to drop off her daughter. I was shocked. This mother used to have the most beautiful long hair, and now it was all gone! I asked her what made her decide to cut it. She said she donated it to locks of love. I told her it had to take a lot of courage, but she just shrugged and said fighting cancer takes a lot of courage. My hair will grow back, and the thought that my hair could cause some one suffering so much happiness seemed like a small price. I was floored. Her sincerity, her heart was amazing. I have never had short hair. I am almost too attached to my long hair. But today when i looked in the mirror I didn't see hair, I saw a gift. A gift that God gave me, and now I can give to someone else. So either today or tomorrow, eight inches will be gone. I'm scared, I've never had short hair, but I guess its time for something new.

My Vow

2008-11-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

I'm shaking as I write this. Part of me thinks I'm crazy, part of me thinks I am in no way ready, and part of me feels totally relieved.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of talking. I'm sick of talking and not doing.

Everyday I pray to God, asking him to show me what I am supposed to be doing, how I can help the world. I could volunteer here, donate there, but I feel like he's calling me to something more raw. Then I make excuses, there not enough need here I need to go overseas(totally not true), or the bible didn't literally mean that, and I water down the beautiful scripture, or my personal favorite I need all those clothes to look cute.

God Isn't going to care how cute I looked on earth when I get to heaven. He's not going to say well you didn't feed me or clothe me, but it's ok you, looked cute.

I make soooo many excuses, I believe the lies that I'm to small, insignificant. So many times I find myself believing that I need to start some big organization, that unless I have the means to do something big, and help tons of people, its not worth it.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

God calls us to love our neighbors not just people 10,000 miles away who we have never met(not that theres anything wrong with donating to those kinds of causes, I encourage it, oh and I don't know about you, but I don't even know half my neighbors names). God is calling me to change the way I live, to show people a new way, God's way. And I don't mean spending less, listening to different music, never going to a bar again. I mean the way I interact with people. I mean loving everyone I see no matter who they are. I mean actually getting to know the people on the streets, not just dropping food out my car window.

I mean NOT HAVING FIVE COATS IN MY CLOSET when some people have none.

I'm sick of living so numb. This is going to be so hard, but I really feel called. I want to share all I have with this world, as little as it may be. But God is good, and he has given me the ability to love. It just shows how good God is. He understands the one thing people need most, and gave us a never ending supply to share.

Why am I posting this you may ask? Well truth is I know myself, and I know this is going to be hard. But I also know I have never wanted anything more. So I ask all my friends out there please please hold me accountable, I'm going to need it. God Is soo good.

The meaning of saved

2008-10-26T14:13:00.000-07:00

So today I was in the kitchen with my mom and we were talking about my dad and sister. I was explaining to her my frustrations, exhaustion, and sadness.

Her reply,
"sometimes you just need to save yourself."

My reply,
"I already am saved."

I'm not really sure why that came out, obviously thats not what she meant by saved, but it got me thinking. Is there really a difference between the two? My mother meant to give up, to let my sister and dad be. To save my self from all the uncomfortable feelings, stress, and sadness. I realize I can not "save" my dad and sister, salvation is ultimately up to God. However I can get uncomfortable for God. The disciples did. They sacrificed their possessions, their time, and many ultimately sacrificed their lives to help draw people into a relationship with Jesus. So maybe the two types of saved are not that different, perhaps they are intertwined. It may be hard and difficult, and I may never be able to help my dad or sister, but I do know one thing. Jesus gave his life for me, the least I can do is get a little uncomfortable for him.

Locking Arms

2008-10-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

I want to lock arms with someone. But who? Its been almost 3 months since I moved back to Redding and I feel completely alone. God is so good, he has been so present, working within me, but the enemy has been working also. My whole family is falling apart, completely apart. I don't know what to do. I know God wants me here, but whats his plan? What can I do? What am I supposed to do? I need prayer, I need support. But I don't feel like I can turn to anyone for this and it stinks. I need someone to keep me accountable, to struggle through scripture, to pray, to talk about life. I know thats what life groups are for, and my leaders are great. Amy is so sweet. But I don't want to be the complainer. I've always been known as the happy one, but truly I need someone. This is my prayer Lord. My prayer that you make your plan known. That you help me to be a trusting and faithful servant. That you give me someone to lock arms with Lord. Someone to help me see you. I love you Lord. So much. I am so thankful for all you have given me.

Life

2008-10-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

Wow I have not written a blog in forever. So lately I've been thinking a lot about people, and the relationships you have with them. I love people a lot, like a lot a lot. And lately I have been meeting so many new people, and making so many new relationships it's amazing. But I've also been thinking about love. Do I love all the people I meet, and most of all do I love thick? See I was going through my myspace and facebook tonight, looking at all my friends, and was amazed at how many I no longer talk to. I realize that moving and growing apart and all thats natural, but what really struck me was the lack of contact with people I was super close to. I mean these people had a huge impact on my life. Life is a weird thing. I love my current life. God has been opening doors you wouldn't believe. But when I look back on the past I wonder if I took things for granted? If I took people for granted? If I truly loved thick on those people that changed my life? But in the end all I can do is hope that I've been living life to its fullest and loving people all that I can. And I can vow to life my life that way from now on. So to all the people I no longer talk to like I should, know I love you guys, and thank you for all you have done. God is so good, and the life he has blessed us with is such an amazing miracle.

Frills

2008-09-22T22:34:00.000-07:00

10:34 and I'm still doing homework, and I have more to go. Plus I need to do my lesson plan for tomorrow. Life is becoming increasingly demanding, but for once I don't mind. I love what Gods doing with my life. So last night, Stirring, amazing as usual. Seriously I love it. When I first became a Christian the hardest thing for me to deal with was my grandmother actually. You see my grandmother is a devout Catholic and she was furious that I was "Christian" and not "Catholic." I remember saying to her I love Jesus, you love Jesus, isn't that what its all about,? but no catholicism was the only way. I had a really good friend and he was Mormon, and I remember the way my Christian friends would judge him. "I love Jesus too," he would say, but it didn't matter to my other friends, Mormons were going to hell. The Jehovah witness would come to my door and try and "save" my soul. "Do you love Jesus?" I would ask them. Yes they would say, and I would reply so do I. So why in their eyes was I going to hell? Mormon, Catholic, Christian, Baptist? What is the difference we all love Jesus. He died to save us. We all believe that. We all know he is the truth, the way, the light. So what does it matter if I eat communion once a month, and you eat it once a week? What does it matter if you sing hymns, and I worship with a full band? What does it matter if your church has pews, and mine has couches? In the end we all love Jesus, he is the reason we are here, and all that other stuff is just frills.

My day

2008-09-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

7:30- 8:50 am Gym
9:00- 12:00 Job #1 day care
12:30-1:30 Mowed lawn (both), laundry, lunch
2:00-5:30 job #2 8th grade teacher
5:45-6:30 cooked dinner
6:30- hw all night

2 jobs, 21 units, church, sunday school, life group
I think I might be insane

Koinina and Starbucks

2008-09-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

I seriously have rewritten this post 4 times now. Theres so much to say, but my words can not even began to convey the beauty that is Jesus. In the past 24 hours I have witnessed more Agape, Koinonia, and hope than I could even imagine.

I witnessed a man who has never believed timidly ask questions, show awe as he learned the truth and felt the agape of Christ. And finally witness this man through up his hands in worship, all in the same night.

I witnessed a homeless man teach scripture and share his testimony with 15 strangers. I witnessed these same 15 strangers praying over this man and just showing him respect and love. All of this happening outside of a Starbucks with absolutely no shame or fear.

I spent an hour just in support and conversation with this same homeless man. Being moved and challenged by his words.

And today at work. In the middle of a group of fourth and fifth graders, I witnessed these four kids wearing buttons saying we love, showing and teaching their classmates what it means to love and respect each other.

Gos IS so good.
Why am I always surprised?

How he loves us

2008-09-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

Last night, wow. It was intense to say the least. 3 hours of prayer over at the stirring. I wasn't really sure what to expect, in fact I almost didn't go. Do you ever feel bipolar in your relationship with God? Like half the time I am prideful, and the other half I am on my knees crying out for worth to be in presence. Half the time I am so weak I can't do anything but cry, and the other half of the time I am filled with his strength and joy. Last night was like that. At first I just listened. I listened and God put on my heart things to pray for. Then I read scripture, and God revealed things to me that I had never seen before. Then I cried. I cried because until last night I hadn't realized how out of touch with God I felt. I had been speaking to him, and most of all I hadn't been listening. I have been so consumed in the problems around me and trying to fix them in my own way. But last night God placed on my heart his constant theme for this summer. That he does indeed have a better plan. And above all he loves us. It awes me every time. He loves us.

Family part 2

2008-09-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

Ahhh Labor day. A day where everyone in America is supposed to take a day off work and spend time relaxing. This is what it looks like in my family. Well around 2:00 mom, grandma, and myself packed into my moms little escort and headed into the country, and I mean the country.My aunt has this great little house with a huge porch, complete with a barn, strawberry fields, pigs (that we ate, yuck!), and tons of property. See I come from this upstanding large Italian family that somewhere between Italy, Boston, and Redding decided that we no longer wanted to be Italian, but instead wanted to be country. Don't get me wrong theres still tons of people, tons of talk, tons of good food, and my grandmas still the head of the clan. However our pastas been replaced with steaks, our nice European sedans with huge trucks, our Andrew Botticelli with country music, and our amazing wine with Coors Lite. And the biggest replacement of all, our boci ball. Our boci ball has now been replaced with volleyball, well at least for this day. Around 5, after everyone was fed and watered, and had their ears full of the latest gossip, my family decided to play volleyball. Now normally this would be completely normal, but not in my family. Besides all of us being terrible at volleyball, almost everyone was playing with either a beer in their hand, or a cigarette in their mouth. All I could do was laugh at this scene. But you know what I realized as I was laughing, is that my family does that a lot. No matter our faults (and believe me theres a lot), we love each other. Theres a lot of us, and were loud, and were blunt, and we wrestle ( yes we actually do that), but we all have each others back. And sometimes I still day dream about that classy Italian family that we used to be, but I rather take a bunch of messed up Italian country family, than be a picture perfect family without love.

Family

2008-08-31T10:14:00.001-07:00

What is it about family? They can be so wonderful, and so hard to handle at the same time. I spent last night over at my dad's house doing manly things, changing oil, checking spark plugs, i.e. being the son he's never had. That was actually quite enjoyable. I actually love working on cars, and it was just nice to spend time with my dad, we don't do that a lot. Well then my sister came home. Don't get me wrong I love my sister, but she, well she just doesn't love herself. Shes 31 years old, jobless, drinks and smokes weed all the time, and basically just hates life. I just want to help her more than anything, but I just don't know how. I decided maybe I would start with some bonding. One of her friends bands was playing at Topshelf ( I know a bar probably isn't the best place to take her) so I decided I would escort her.
My dad gave us 20 dollars, (money for gas, and a beer for each of us.) Well long story short the night ended with me being called a boring prude, and her somehow getting her hands on 3 beers, a flask of hot damn, a pack of cigarettes, and no gas for my car. And this was with me trying to watch her every move. However I did get her to agree to church tonight. At least I can count on God doing a much better job than I did. Hopefully she'll listen.

A failing limb

2008-08-27T18:16:00.001-07:00

A full ocean lost in a whirlpool of hope. Despair etched on the lines of an old women's face. The burning feel of flames licking your very soul. To describe these feelings in a swirling rage of metaphors is as pointless as a compass that doesn't point north. How can one search in their soul to find the words to describe their very emotions.
I used to think I was a bad writer. I would look upon the pens and pages of others and commit the sin of envy. Envious, that's what I was. But even that emotion was indescribable to me. I would observe the world everyday. Become so consumed in thought and wonder I felt as if my very ability to speak would soon wither and die. So I did the obvious; if words had failed my mouth, I would dictate the job to my hands. I began to write, write like a person who had been possessed. Poetry, short stories, notes. Any outlet I could use to free the wildly caged thoughts within.
And for years I continued to write that way. But recently I have come upon a problem. My hand is starting to fail me. This limb that had once so beautifully glided over paper leaving colorful reminants of beautifull life emotions, now only leaves skid marks in the place where my heart used to be. Rather than flowing like a calm creek, my words now hit the page like the obstacles that stand in the way of that flow. I can no longer cover my emotions in pointless metaphors, I must now face them head on. I must no longer hide from the enemy, but embrace him with open arms. It is time to face life. It is time to stand tall and walk the path the lord has set for me.
So as I sit here writing this, I have decided to gently retire my hand.Ive decided to stand tall and for once give my feet a chance.

God has a better plan!

2008-08-26T11:02:00.000-07:00

The Lord works in mysterious ways. This statement has never felt more true. I didn't want to come back to Redding, thats no secret. I was happy in Santa Cruz. Ministering through Mount Hermon, my family at Vintage Faith. Who would want to leave that kind of love and support? This whole summer i spent teaching kids that "God has a better Plan," so when God presented me with his better plan who was I to say no. I remember driving into Redding and feeling so overwhelmed. Even if I didn't want to come back I have always had a heart for this town. A town with supposedly so many churches and so many Christians, yet so many people suffering. So many people unknowing of, or afraid to really know Christ. But what could I do? Where should I start? That first week I just spent in prayer, asking God to speak, to show me what to do next. That Sunday morning I walked into neighborhood and who should I see setting up on stage, but one of the worship bands from my church in Santa Cruz. I'm not sure why, but it gave me a huge comfort. As if this was a sign that I was supposed to be here. Then that evening I went with a friend to a fairly new church in Redding. The Stirring. Here was a place with people so on fire for God. And not only on fire, but ready to do something about it. Ready to break down the stereotypes of Christianity, ready to challenge people and their faith. Ready to reach out to the community, and make disciples. I will never forget what my pastor Dan in Santa Cruz once said. Church is not a building, church is the people. Church is not a meeting on Sundays, church is what you do all week. We are his church and it is our job to spread it through out the world. And i felt like thats what this place was about. Now I could go on forever about all the ways God has been affirming me through out the past weeks that I am supposed to be here. Whether it be the fact that Travis Osborn is now the pastor at Simpson, or all the other stories about how God has been moving in peoples life throughout Redding. But after teaching it to kid after kid all summer I am finally beginning to understand that God truly does have a better plan.